Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Cheney Mistakes Friend For Quail-Human Hybrid

The news is filled with the story of Vice President Cheney’s shooting a man while hunting. It’s being described as an accident. The man is in intensive care.

There was an amazing delay in reporting this incident. Apparently it happened sometime Saturday afternoon. However it wasn’t publicly announced until Sunday, I believe around noon. The big question of ‘why the delay’ is the media buzz, and there are lots of theories going around. Here are mine:

1) Cheney had a heart attack or some health problem afterwards and they are keeping it secret.
2) Cheney was drinking and they are keeping it secret.
3) Cheney completely fell apart and can’t be trotted out in the public eye just yet.

I think the third is very possible. The Vice President likes to send our military out to fight and die. He talks big and tough, but he has never ‘walked the walk’. Wars seem to be started by old men who have never experienced their reality and impact. Cheney lied and distorted intelligence information in order to drag our country into one. Mr. Five Deferments pushed to send our troops into Iraq in insufficient numbers and without sufficient and proper equipment. Just the kind of guy I see falling apart when real adversity strikes.
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Of course there are lots of great jokes out there, here are a few of my favorites:

“Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man
during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." —Jon Stewart

"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" —Craig Ferguson

"In a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak." -- Rob Corddry

“At the White House, President George W. Bush defended his vice president’s shooting of a fellow hunter, saying that the attack sent “a strong message to terrorists everywhere. The message is, if Dick Cheney is willing to shoot an innocent American citizen at point-blank range, imagine what he’ll do to you,” Mr. Bush said.” --Andy Borowitz

"So in summary, the Vice President of the United States shot a 78-year-old man in the face. Congratulations Mister Vice President, you are now a Crip." --Jimmy Kimmel

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